time is running out but that is nothing new.
so we are at June now .
So many things has happened,
unfortunately more sad than this proper happy one but it doesn't make me the right to go totally gloomy.still trying to bear with the reality even though sometimes it is really difficult.

My mind is just a big mess of confusion.Don't know why but it is not nice at all.

6 weeks to go and the last 3 days of work experience.
my life started being boring. not good.

It's been a while, not going to pretend it hasn't.

2009 has been the most difficult year of my entire life and we're at the end of March. Let's not go into details about the whole thing but I can't say I have much to rave about it and I'm not going to bet on it getting much better as I my whole world is just a big mess of confusion; And this isn't just some teenage crisis of a year.

I'm in it for the rough and tumble though, I know eventually everything will fall into place but I also know that that could take a lot of time and for once in my life I have to be patient and take things slowly rather than rushing around making ridiculous plans and promises to myself. I have big ideas but I'm choosing my path carefully (and sensibly, sigh) and I'm hoping it will all pay off.

In the meantime, I am going to make myself get my happines back and probably consider the trip to Paris - the next week,or week after.
I deserve now some rest at least.

I'm fed up with the melting snow , and irritating rain which has been raining for whole day.!

My future plans do not look really encouraging.
Wednesday my grade 8 oboe exam,
Thursday the last day of school
and there is haf term which i couldn't wait for but now i think it's gonna be so boring.
staying in oxford for whole 10 days.
hurray :s

and I've decided do not talk to her anymore.
do not pay attention on her.
do not smile.
do not think.
nothing.

i want to feel excited about something! :/

White February :-)

Today is the snow day!!
So many snow is around that basiclly they closed my school.
How terrible!

As usual lots of things to do , many things to change because of this unlacky operation date and much more better than it was.
Because Lizzie is ok ,
Gilly can rest finally,
and Elaine found someone else.

just have to focus a little bit more on what i should do and what is right and dont let anyone to say things like that or just do not pay attention on it.

so what for today ?

in couples of hours going out with my girls,
definietly do some oboe practising,
do my eal presentation which i almost finished yesterday,
and ...relax?

and I feel so sorry for my broher who will be basiclly throwed out from my bed in a few minutes.

have not been writing for so long.I know. but too many things to do and obviously not enough time. I endeavour not to think about it , about him but it's suprisingly so hard but success supposes endeavour so we will see.
I don't eat or in other way i try not to eat and sometimes it's better and sometimes i'm forced to do it.Anyway I 'm trying to do my best to lose on weight.

And generally no one cares.
N o o n e!

So this perspectiv of being totally out of everything , without anyone makes me feel so depressed.

that's it for now.

Today's day was ok.
School til 4 o'clock , later tea in Hannah's house and Music theory.
Despite a huge headache i had today and my oboe's bag which actually got broken everything was ok.
My oboe exam is coming and i'm so pleased and excited about it.
Elaine is back to the orchestra - that's great!
I'm still waiting for my new ipod which actually is somewhere but still not deliverd to my house.That's so irritating.

I'm looking forward to Friday ! After school girls are coming to my house and we have a huge plan watching Holiday,Angus Thongs and Bridge to therabithia so that's far enough i think.
On Saturday - CMS and Windband till 5 o 'clock and on Sunday at 1 o'clock rehearsal and at 5 concert in Regal.
This weekend's gonna be so tiring but totally smashing!

I hate the fact that actually i've done nothing over weekend . I feel so bad about it and i'm so pissed off waiting 2 hours for my friend who can't be bother to text me that she's changed her mind.
But I'm starting tomorrow ,make my new years resolutions come true.Promise.

And I think I'm kinda in love,but i don't want to say it loud because i'm afraid that than it won't work.We'll see.To be honest i want it to work because I'm fed up with being single all the time and suprisingly maybe i should be in a normal relationship?

I saw Amy today in the bus.She was with her boyfriend. She is so impossibly pretty that i can't stand it.I want to be like her.She's got everything.
Ok i need to stop because i'm going crazy.

It's impossible how fast the time is runing out.Today's morning I thought this day is gonna last forever but actually as soon as i 've started orchestra all day's gone.
I have no idea why but my dad is so nice for me that i'm started getting nervous about him.Maybe he's ill?
Last night he bought a new purple ipod nano , memory stick, clothes,boots and this everything special for me. That's insane.But it is so lovely.
To be honest i don't feel really pleased because there's only one day left and welcome back to the hell which is actually my life.
I feel like for now i've done totally nothing. I haven't tidied my room,studied,read,done my english presentation and this everything is coming, much more faster than i think.
I'm scared that there is not enough time for me to do it.
So that's why i've finished for now.

Can't wait till Easter.That's going to be the most excited Christmas ever!Will be so much to do and so much to play that actually i couldn't be bothered to miss it. France seems to be totally flashy!
Later Sicily where my linguistic skills should be growing up even better.
We'll see.
Today's day was so wicked.My tiredness even let me got wrong about what lesson i have, so after italian i got to my science class and was a little suprise because it turned out that actually i have science 4th and i should have gone to the J block.Anyway that was kinda funny.
I've done my composition so i could feel even more free but unfortunately it's not like that.
My presentation thingy plus a massive amount things to do including 3 auditions for a really good-quality orchestras make me feel overworked.

Tomorrow seems to be quite fun except for those compulsory things i have to do.
And i think my resolutions were a really good idea and maybe they are going to lead me for a long time and make my life even better?
Who knows.