I wish I could change the past, and believe in the future, my future.
I also wish I could have this magical wand, which could make my every wish come true, but let's say it fairly, it will not happen, not in a billion years.

Life sucks, and apparently that is not just my personal opinion . Have heard it many times , coming out from different people's mouths and as my morals are usually based on the majority of people , I have to also agree in this case , not just because I think so.

Must also admit, I am completely knackered. The utter rush , that's been in my school for the past couple of weeks is insanely tiring. Everyone wants something from you , keep on forgeting , that except the other subjects we do have, and we do revise for , we actually do have a life as well. Sort of shit at some points, but still - a life. And as a matter of fact , even though I am this though example of an irrational nerd these days , it doesn't mean I don't end up completely wasted at the pub some days ,when my tiredness stop me from controlling myself.

Well... I'm assuming that's going to last for the next 5 months, and afterwards I will literally fuck everything and piss off to Italy /Spain / Australia for the best holidays in my life.

The couples are not the future.
There is something more than that.
You need a backup to actually live properly, because what if one day the person you love will be gone,forever ,what then ?
People need to feel safe not just because of the way love affects them. They need to feel like they are not dependent on this one particular person , like in emergency state they would be able to cope. With themselves and with their lifes , what sometimes is not easy at all.
People need each other , every single day . Sometimes it is just about a random thing like shopping with your best mate ,or gossiping, but one day , it may be about something much deeper than that.
Don't ask me why I wrote this.
Maybe because watching About a boy for the milion time made me think of it.
Or maybe because I'm just trying to find an explanation for the crap things that are involved in my life ,not making much of a sense.

I must admit it. I completely forgot about my own, private world which is this blog, and was moving on with my life - the real one.
Didn't work out everything I wanted but at last I made an effort to do it.
So the New Year started, quite eventfuly I'd say ,however I already got put into many awkward situations- not pleased with that,at all.
New Years Resolutions?
Possibly quit smoking,
stop being extremely lazy,
and just try to be a better person, knowing that things do change, whether we want it or not,and that I can't blame myself forever for the mistakes I made in the past.
Because everything happens for a reason.

time is running out but that is nothing new.
so we are at June now .
So many things has happened,
unfortunately more sad than this proper happy one but it doesn't make me the right to go totally gloomy.still trying to bear with the reality even though sometimes it is really difficult.

My mind is just a big mess of confusion.Don't know why but it is not nice at all.

6 weeks to go and the last 3 days of work experience.
my life started being boring. not good.

It's been a while, not going to pretend it hasn't.

2009 has been the most difficult year of my entire life and we're at the end of March. Let's not go into details about the whole thing but I can't say I have much to rave about it and I'm not going to bet on it getting much better as I my whole world is just a big mess of confusion; And this isn't just some teenage crisis of a year.

I'm in it for the rough and tumble though, I know eventually everything will fall into place but I also know that that could take a lot of time and for once in my life I have to be patient and take things slowly rather than rushing around making ridiculous plans and promises to myself. I have big ideas but I'm choosing my path carefully (and sensibly, sigh) and I'm hoping it will all pay off.

In the meantime, I am going to make myself get my happines back and probably consider the trip to Paris - the next week,or week after.
I deserve now some rest at least.

I'm fed up with the melting snow , and irritating rain which has been raining for whole day.!

My future plans do not look really encouraging.
Wednesday my grade 8 oboe exam,
Thursday the last day of school
and there is haf term which i couldn't wait for but now i think it's gonna be so boring.
staying in oxford for whole 10 days.
hurray :s

and I've decided do not talk to her anymore.
do not pay attention on her.
do not smile.
do not think.
nothing.

i want to feel excited about something! :/

White February :-)

Today is the snow day!!
So many snow is around that basiclly they closed my school.
How terrible!

As usual lots of things to do , many things to change because of this unlacky operation date and much more better than it was.
Because Lizzie is ok ,
Gilly can rest finally,
and Elaine found someone else.

just have to focus a little bit more on what i should do and what is right and dont let anyone to say things like that or just do not pay attention on it.

so what for today ?

in couples of hours going out with my girls,
definietly do some oboe practising,
do my eal presentation which i almost finished yesterday,
and ...relax?

and I feel so sorry for my broher who will be basiclly throwed out from my bed in a few minutes.